LeBron James Lays the Smackdown…on Everyone
LeBron James would make one hell of a WWE superstar. Think about it—the powder toss entrance, the chiseled physique, the ability to draw the ire of a crowd. That’s so pro wrestling, yes?
On Thursday morning (Manila time), James dropped by a live recording of “The Pat McAfee Show,” the renowned podcast of WWE commentator Pat McAfee. In this recording, LBJ dropped a slew of “pipebombs”—in modern wrestling parlance, an explosive statement that gets the world buzzing.
Whether or not you agree with James is immaterial, really. What matters is that, like a 250-pound behemoth leaping off a turnbuckle and crashing onto a sea of humanity, he got your undivided attention. The Lakers forward isn’t just proficient at pulling off feats of athleticism; he’s also pretty good at taking shots with well-chosen words.
Did I mention that James wore an Ultimate Warrior t-shirt shortly after his Cleveland Cavaliers won the NBA title in 2016? Makes perfect sense, when you think about it. Here are some WWE-like verbal jabs that the King launched in his interview with McAfee:
“He’s on a Taylor Swift tour run right now”
Even without context, you can just take a look at that phrase and realize that only a vindictive mind could have concocted something of that nature.
James, of course, was referring to McAfee’s ESPN colleague Stephen A. Smith, whom he infamously confronted at courtside during the New York Knicks-Los Angeles Lakers showdown on March 6.
As a father of two, I was going to let LeBron off the hook because I know how instinctively protective any dad can be. If he wanted to give the “First Take” host a piece of his mind that night in reaction to how SAS has been commenting on his son Bronny, fine. But for LeBron James to continue piling on Mr. Smith on a personal level—“If there’s one person who couldn’t wait for the video to drop so you could address it, it’s your ass”—that’s another story, I think.
That was cold, LeBron. Almost as cold as the shoulder you gave Undertaker as he waited for you outside the Cavs locker room.
LeBron insults analysts, doesn’t name names
Here’s a common technique that pro wrestlers use when they get mic time: Hurl insults without explicitly identifying the intended recipient of their vitriol. Because, you know, saying that person’s name is so beneath them.
When McAfee brought up the critics who cast doubt on James’ pairing with Luka Doncic, LBJ decided to clap back with a blind item: “A lot of those guys who played the game…they played the game while they were talented. I don’t think they ever thought the game.”
Translation: LeBron James looks down, and I mean really down, on the intelligence of some former NBA players who became media analysts in their retirement. The fact that LeBron wouldn’t even name these analysts is both infuriating and intriguing. (Is he referring to a bald person, by any chance?)
“I would be able to play in any era”
What does LeBron James have in common with the likes of The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and John Cena? Overflowing confidence, that’s what. You look at all those former WWE Champions, and you see larger than life personalities believing all their own hype and hyperbole, their pomp and circumstance.
LeBron, it would seem, is LeBron’s biggest fan. When the discussion in the podcast turned to the matter of the NBA’s eras, he stated in no uncertain terms that he’d be able to thrive in any iteration of the league. I don’t know what’s more astonishing: the fact that this is probably true or the audacity in his veins to actually voice it out.
I’m not going to argue with him, nor am I going to ignore the fact that he directly called out rebounding legend Dennis Rodman, who has supposedly claimed that LeBron was neither “skilled” nor “big” enough to play in a different era. Coming up at WrestleMania 41 in Las Vegas: The King vs. The Worm in an “I Quit” match, loser has to live in North Korea. (Oh wait…)
LeBron said WHAT about the 2003 NBA Draft?!
Remember that “pipebomb” term? It was coined by CM Punk, an extremely magnetic wrestling personality who said one WTF remark after another during a scathing tirade on Monday Night Raw back in June 2011. Punk caused many jaws to drop on the floor that night by saying things like—checks notes—The Rock and John Cena are “ass-kissers” and WWE might be better after CEO Vince McMahon drops dead.
I couldn’t help but think of Punk when James said this nugget on McAfee’s show: “During the lottery [in 2003], Cleveland got the number one pick…that’s just, I don’t think that was…what a coincidence!”
At that moment, every basketball fan said exactly what McAfee hollered: “What are you saying??”
Just like Punk, James kept going. He mentioned Patrick Ewing going to the New York Knicks in 1985 and Derrick Rose going to the Chicago Bulls in 2008. Go on, Bron. Por favor.
The Michael Jordan comment
Let’s get this out of the way now: LeBron James clarified that he and Michael Jordan are in a “good spot” and that they don’t talk a lot to begin with.
Now that we’ve made this section clickbait-proof, let’s get to the good stuff. Because the good stuff is what we’re here for.
“Till I’m done, and he doesn’t have to look at me running up and down, wearing the no. 23…he’s like, ‘I don’t f***ing talk to you.’”
The cerebral assassin that James is, he must have known 100% that his comments on Jordan would gain maximum media exposure. Bron himself admitted that, at this point, their two names are basically intertwined.
With that in mind, what exactly was he thinking? What objective did he want to accomplish by painting such a vivid scene of a retired Jordan watching him play 22 years of high-caliber basketball?
I’m done. Call up WWE Chief Content Officer Paul “Triple H” Levesque and get him to sign this dude to a wrestling contract. I want to watch LeBron James lay the smackdown on everyone.
